


By Your Side

by Shinocchi



Category: sweet pool
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Alternate Universe - High School, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Character Development, First Love, Kissing, M/M, Nipple Play, Prompt Fic, Sensuality, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-18
Updated: 2017-01-18
Packaged: 2018-09-18 09:18:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9378221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shinocchi/pseuds/Shinocchi
Summary: First love comes in many forms, some like a wave, some like a blossoming flower.For Sakiyama Youji, it comes as a form of the latter. But little does he know that someone else's first love comes in waves -- someone that's been engrossed with him ever since he first set eyes on him.A normal life AU write for Sweet Pool where everything is the normal, they're simply two students dreadfully in love with each other and enjoying high school life to every bit of it.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [khaleecia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/khaleecia/gifts).



> This story is written in response to [Alicia's](http://khaleecia.tumblr.com/) [winter prompt request](http://shinocchidesu.net/post/153972537774/winter-prompts-request-open-closed), loosely based on the prompt of "Your home is in my heart, it's everywhere I go"! Thank you for requesting! <3
> 
> I've been wanting to write a normal high school life alternate universe for the Sweet Pool verse forever now so I'm very appreciative for this prompt for kicking my writing gears into it! I'd describe this as a prologue to many more of this verse to come and I'm very excited to write more them.
> 
> Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.  
> Kudos and comments are highly appreciated if you liked the story! <3

He’s never great with communicating with anyone at all. It’s partly thanks to how weak his body was, the fact that he needed to take constant breaks from classes built a gap between himself and everyone else in the school. It’s not like he minded, he wasn’t as outspoken as Makoto anyway, of course he wouldn’t find himself being surrounded by friends and buzzes and he was perfectly fine with that. He appreciated the silent moments in his own corner, being disturbed only by the elusive sounds of students chatting happily with each other and the chirping sounds of birds sitting by his window. He thought he’s fine, his existence like air, completely unobtrusive. Well, at least better than the one student in his class who seemed to be intimidating everyone he set his eyes upon.

Shironuma Tetsuo was… different. He possessed this aura that spelled strappingly of intimidation; his physique huge, he’s intelligent, and he had good looks that could easily pass as a debuted model. He’s everything Youji wasn’t. They shared less words, but Youji’s gut feeling told him that Shironuma Tetsuo was definitely conscious of his existence, the fact that he’d stare at Youji every time they were to brush shoulder, without fail, a solid evidence of it.

He didn’t remember having any particular interaction with Shironuma to have elicited such a reaction from him. It bothered him from time to time, but never as much as how hard he was trying to catch up in classes. Thanks to his frequent absence in the previous year, he was forced to stay a year back so that he could catch up with everything he’d missed from being sick. He’d find himself crumpling halfway through morning assemblies, sometimes simply slouching on his desk, being unable to focus on anything else. He couldn’t help that his physical condition was like this, he didn’t want to blame his family history for leaving this for him as well. He wanted to live with it, embrace this body he was granted with, and take it as a challenge to be a stronger person for himself. He didn’t need anyone to pity him either, but he appreciated the consideration, and definitely appreciated how everyone treated him as an equal despite the lack of words exchanged.

He sighed softly as he stared out of the window, spacing out as he watched groups of students spending their break time with each other, either just sitting around or having a quick round of sports. He probably should get something to eat, but he wasn’t feeling particularly hungry anyway, and it’s too much of an effort to be moving out of his seat to get food.

“Youji!”

He looked up when he was called, in time to see Makoto rushing towards him, a bun in between his lips.

“Not eating?” Makoto asked upon noticing the absence of food on Youji’s table.

“Ah, not hungry,” Youji responded simply.

“ _Still_ ,” Makoto tugged. “You need to eat at least _something_.”

Youji chuckled blithely. It’s something he was very used to be hearing from Makoto. He knew that he was genuinely concerned, but he simply couldn’t force himself to do something when he didn’t feel like it.

“I’ll try to eat more for dinner,” he reassured, responded immediately with a pout.

“Make sure you do that, okay? Otherwise, I’d have to send food right to your house.”

That would be really troublesome, Youji considered. He nodded, returning his gaze to the scene outside of his window while Makoto drivelled about the sneakers he saw yesterday when he was walking home from school. Casual, meek daily routine like this was what relieved him. He felt part of something, of life, and it’s honestly all that he could ask for. It didn’t even matter to him if it’s a bit dry and ordinary; he’s perfectly fine with it even if he had to live like this for the rest of his life.

Break times always passed as if someone had switched the time-zoom on, even faster when he was spacing out like this. And when it’s time to leave, he heaved an unintentional sigh, about to stand when Makoto rushed towards him again.

“Youji! Let’s walk home together?”

“Ah, sure,” he responded. He didn’t have anything to do anyway, he didn’t need to work his part time shift today either.

“Okay then! Let’s—ah.”

He looked up upon noticing the change of air, finding himself staring in mild reverence when Shironuma Tetsuo – who wasn’t there when he packed his things – stood by his table, gazing at him as if he wanted to say something.

“You’re staying back for duties?”

He didn’t remember hearing his voice before. Was it ever this deep? Or was it because he was feeling this uncanny lethargy that’s obscuring his judgement?

“Oh yeah,” Makoto said, filling the silence between them. “We’ll walk home tomorrow then.”

And he could only stare as Makoto left the room, leaving only him and Shironuma Tetsuo in the vacant space.

“I’ll take care of the trash, you take care of the board.”

He didn’t feel at all pleased by how Tetsuo was instructing him around but creating frictions here and now was the last thing he needed so he rather obeyed without another word, heading towards the front of the classroom and started working on his own task in silence.

For a long stretch of time, the only sound in the room was the rustling sounds of plastic bag and discreet sound of duster chafing against the board. The air was a bit too difficult for them to breathe as Youji concentrated on his own task, hoping to finish it up soon so that he could get himself out of the stroppy situation.

He gave Tetsuo one last glance, the same time when Tetsuo was done with his own task, and hastily grabbed his bag, walking out of the classroom before either of them could say anything.

He knew he probably shouldn’t judge his classmate before he got to know more about him but he couldn’t help but feel this smothering air between them when they did as much as sharing the same space. He’d been feeling Tetsuo’s gaze on him for the entire time now, ever since he set foot into this new class of his. Before the year, even before he’d gotten into the same class as Tetsuo, he’d already felt this relentless gaze on him whenever he was on the corridor, in front of the school gate; the gaze seemed to be following him wherever he went and even though he’d wanted to confront Tetsuo for the longest time, he never knew how to bring the words to his mouth before he found himself scattering away.

Like how he did now.

He caught his breath in the corner of the corridor, looking back to make sure that Tetsuo wasn’t anywhere near him before he leaned against the wall, still panting.

This is too pathetic, he decided. One day, he’d talk to Tetsuo.

But today isn’t the day.

 

Even in the next day, Youji still couldn't bring himself to speak to Tetsuo. He couldn't quite explain why himself. There’s this… overwhelming aura surrounding Tetsuo that made it hard for him to even approach him, let alone talking to him. Many times, he’d find himself staring at Tetsuo’s direction, lines after lines of what he’d prepared beforehand flashing through his mind. He _knew_ what he wanted to say. But the moment he met eyes with Tetsuo, he swallowed everything down his throat, looking away and acting like he was staring at something else.

Why wouldn't Tetsuo talk to him, though? Did he want something from him? Or was Youji too dense to realize it himself?

He sighed as he sat by the poolside, watching gormlessly as his fellow classmates prepared for their swimming lesson. Due to his circumstances, he’d been an exception to this class, having to sit by the side as he watched the others swim. He wasn’t sure if he could swim himself, he’d never attempted before. He never approached the sea, nor the pool, but he found himself captivated as he observed his fellow classmates preparing themselves for the lesson, wondering if he’d be able to enjoy it as much if he was able to join them.

“Youji!”

He jumped a tad when he felt a hand tapping him on the back. Looking up, he saw Makoto, already in his swimming gears, his eyes glinting with palpable eagerness.

“Careful not to fall into the pool, alright?” he teased, jokily pushing Youji on the back and causing him to move a tad closer to the pool.

“I won’t,” Youji brushed. He’s too far away from the pool. There’s no way he’d fall into it.

He watched as Makoto waved at him, heading towards where the rest of the class was gathered. The sun was bright and the sky was clear as he kicked the water, sending ripples across the surface of the pool. The water felt cold on his feet, he nippily retreated, was about to stand when he missed a step, finding his balance lost, and then he’s toppling, the lustre of the sun the last thing he saw before he was inundated in ice-cold sensation that he knew was water he experienced earlier.

He was sure that he couldn’t swim now. No matter how hard he moved his limbs, he couldn’t bring himself to get out of this stump, all he could do was letting himself fall and fall and fall as he closed his eyes, his breathing too hard to catch up, water trapped beneath his chest. His sentient towards the surrounding dimmed, he found himself swathed in warmth, wondering if he was starting to hallucinate before his back hit concrete ground, his conscious blinking in and out of sight.

He could hear voices around him, the heat he experienced earlier still lingered on his body. He felt the same warmth around his face, something was stroking his cheekbones, then he felt the same abrasive sensation pressing against his jaws, followed by a warm and soft sensation against his lips before the air returned to his lungs, water gushed out of his throat as he coughed, his conscious returning to normal bit by bit.

He tried hard to open his eyes before he noticed a shadow hovering over him, blocking the bright sunlight from his gaze. A few blinks later, he found himself staring at Shironuma Tetsuo, instantly having him to sit up, seizing his chest as he sought for air.

“W-what…” he muttered.

“Youji! Thank God you’re okay! I _told_ you not to fall into the pool!”

He looked around, finding Makoto staring anxiously at him from behind Tetsuo, before he returned his gaze to Tetsuo, who looked as deadpanned as ever.

“It’s lucky that Shironuma jumped right into the pool when you fell,” their teacher, Kamiya, spoke from his side. “You really need to look your steps when you’re near the edge, Sakiyama.”

He was still a tad confused from what happened but from what he had collected, he was sure that he’d fallen into the pool, and _if_ he could trust his own self-judgment, Tetsuo was the one who’d saved him… from drowning. He ogled fixedly at Tetsuo, trying to fit the puzzle pieces together. Didn’t Tetsuo dislike him? What did his actions mean?

He tried to move away but soon realized that he was holding onto Tetsuo’s wet robust muscles all this while. He tried to bring himself up again, just to have Tetsuo gripping onto his arms and supported him up, snugging one arm around his own neck as they paced, as unhurried as they could, out of the pool and into the school building.

They left trails of water droplets along the way as they walked in the corridors. Tetsuo was in nothing but his swimming trunk, his arms draped firmly around Youji’s torso, holding his body up as they sauntered. Youji was starting to feel the cold now that he’d finally recognized what was happening. But Tetsuo’s snuggly embrace made him feel less so, something he never thought he’d come to appreciate. In this distance, he could clearly feel Tetsuo’s heartbeats against his skin, thumping fervidly. The whole experience was bizarre. Tetsuo appeared pretty much like any other human being, possessing flesh and blood like any other human did – despite his lack of emotions. It’s something Youji had never been able to relate to and having to experience it first-hand now left him in a daze of uncertainty.

As soon as they walked into the infirmary, Youji collapsed on the bed, lying down and closing his eyes, finally able to let his tense calm.

“Are you okay?”

He opened his eyes upon hearing Tetsuo’s voice. Tetsuo’s eyes were fixed on him, so was his – it was then that he noticed how Tetsuo’s eyes were yellow in colour -- almost like a darker shade of light brown -- so was the colour of his eyelashes, and his hair. So they’re natural, huh? he thought to himself. He never thought a lot about Tetsuo; he knew nothing much of him to think about him anyway. But now that they’re in such a close vicinity -- with him no longer being able to escape like he used to -- he came to realize how Tetsuo was just another man, another of his classmate – just another person he hadn’t gotten the chance to know more.

“I’m fine… I think,” he answered. His mouth felt dry, but he thought he should say something.

“I see.”

They said nothing more. Youji closed his eyes, attempting to soothe the rampaging of his heartbeats as he listened to the quiet breeze skidding between them with unruffled breathing. The water on his body was starting to dry by now, but if he continued baring his body to the air like this, he might really catch a cold.

“You’re small.”

He opened his eyes. “Huh?”

“Your body,” Tetsuo said, deadpanned. “Do you eat enough?”

He wasn’t sure where this conversation was heading towards, nor the purpose of Tetsuo asking this. Why was he so concerned about his body anyway? What was _really_ in his thoughts?

Above all, that comment he’d just made about him totally rubbed him the wrong way.

He avoided the question, eyes sliding involuntarily to Tetsuo’s body instead. Like Tetsuo’s face, this was also the first time he’d gotten the chance to stare at Tetsuo’s body up close, even more so when he was basically wearing nothing but a swimming trunk. His body was almost dry as well, but sheen of wetness could still be seen glimmering weakly under the ray of pouring sunshine, presenting Youji a view that was far from just spellbinding. Tetsuo’s body was… huge. Not _too_ huge, but definitely bigger than his own. The outline of his muscles enthralled Youji as he followed the lines of his bone structures. Even without the need to touch it, he could tell how sturdy and firm they would feel like on his fingers. His skin tanned, the shadow from where the weight of his muscles concealed pulsated with a sense of masculinity that Youji knew could never be found on his own body. He stared; he stared for so long that he didn’t know that he was even staring. It’s when Tetsuo touched him on the face that he jumped, pulling himself away before he met eyes with Tetsuo again.

He couldn’t tell what he’s seeing in his eyes. There’s _something_ , that’s for sure. But he could never tell if his hunch was correct – of if he wanted it to be correct.

 

If that one incident hadn’t been one of the weirdest things he’d ever experienced with Tetsuo before, what happened the next day definitely made it onto the list. He walked into the classroom and avoided eye contact with Tetsuo, even though he could feel the familiar gaze on him all over again. The more he interacted with Tetsuo, the less he knew about him. He’d always regarded Tetsuo as a man filled with nothing but mysteries. Despite being curious about who he really was as a person, he wasn’t sure if it’s appropriate for him to probe too much on him.

Tetsuo hadn’t done anything disastrous to him so far – until when he saw the box of what seemed like home-cook food on his table the next day after the pool incident that he started pondering if Tetsuo really hated him so much to the extent of wanting to poison him. Tetsuo said no word at all, even. He only came to know about it when Makoto warned him about the food, not telling who put it there, but his reaction itself a clear answer for Youji. He stared at the back of Tetsuo’s body the entire time during class, as if the answer would appear miraculously if he was to stare long enough.

And the moment the bell signalling break time rang, Tetsuo stood, not giving him a second glance, before he walked out of the classroom, leaving Youji to contemplate what he should do with the food.

“Don’t tell me you’re going to eat it,” Makoto said, face portrayed with obvious dissatisfaction.

Youji merely smiled. He hadn’t decided what to do with it yet, but it felt too wasteful if he was to throw it away like this. It’s hard to believe that Tetsuo might be the person cooking, but if he _did_ …

Youji stood up, gestured a quick goodbye to Makoto and strode out of the classroom.

Perhaps this was a chance to end this very misery of his. Perhaps it’s a chance for him to finally have a proper talk with Tetsuo. He looked around the school compound. Tetsuo would most likely be having his own lunch now, but he couldn’t figure out nor did he ever know _where_ he usually had his lunch. He probably wouldn’t choose a place with a lot of people, seeing how he barely had any friends nor was he even good at mingling around. In this case, perhaps then he’d choose a quieter place, a place with no people, somewhere like—

He pushed the door heading towards rooftop open. Gentle breeze brushed through him as he wandered, the lustre of the afternoon sun had him blocking his eyes with one hand. He looked around, stopping the moment he found the hint of blond he was looking for before he walked towards it, his heartbeats drubbing stridently in his ears.

Tetsuo looked up when he stood in front of him. All that he had with him was a packet drink and a bread, and all that he was wearing on his face was his usual indifferent expression, returning the tension back into the pit of Youji’s stomach.

“Is this yours?” Youji asked, lifting the food case for him to see.

Tetsuo didn’t answer. Instead, he looked away, eating his bread, and merely moved a little when Youji sat by his side.

“Why?” Youji asked, responded with more silence. “What’s your motive?”

He wasn’t sure if Tetsuo was considering his words or if he didn’t intend to respond so he pushed the food case back to him, refusing to speak any further until Tetsuo make his move.

“Eat,” was all Tetsuo said in the end, which did nothing but exasperating Youji even more. He knew nothing of this man and the way this man had been reacting to him didn’t help him the slightest. All he wanted to do was to have a proper communication with the man but all that he’d been returned with was nonchalance that was borderline insolent.

He stood up, realizing that there’s no point in dwelling with this conversation any further, before he felt Tetsuo gripping on his wrist.

“Wait,” Tetsuo said, yet another one-word dialogue that Youji was sluggishly getting tired towards.

“What?” he retorted, sounding almost aggravated.

“Have you heard from Kamiya?”

Now what? he cursed on the inside.

“About me tutoring you,” Tetsuo said, sounding as composed as ever.

“Huh?”

Tutoring him? Tetsuo to… tutor him?

“He approached me yesterday,” Tetsuo continued, noticing the complications on Youji’s face. “After you went back. He said you had been falling back in classes.”

Does Kamiya really need to tell Tetsuo this, though?

“So he asked me to help you out with your studies.”

And Tetsuo to tutor him? _Him_ , out of everyone else?

It’s not like Kamiya didn’t have a valid reason, though. Tetsuo _was_ the most intelligent student in his class, it made all the perfect sense for him to be helping him out. It’s all his personal complications and he knew all too well that was pushing the prudence out of his mind. He really didn’t have any concrete whys and wherefores to decline help from Tetsuo.

He really needed to get over himself.

“…when,” he mumbled, all the while trying to streamline with his rioting mind.

“Hm?”

“When are we starting?” he spoke just a tad gaudier.

Tetsuo paused for a while, seemingly considering.

“Today.”

He really didn’t have much time to prepare himself, mentally and emotionally. His thought was so distracted he’d totally forgotten about the food Tetsuo prepared for him, leaving it by Tetsuo’s leg as he tramped off the rooftop.

 

He couldn’t concentrate at all.

There’s _no way_ he could concentrate.

Tetsuo was right by his side, checking his homework while he felt his fingers shaking erratically, the silence between them too suffocating for him to breathe. Tetsuo had been nothing but patient for the entire time now. Despite his lack of words, everything that had come out of his mouth consisted of nothing but weighty. His way of coaching was easy to understand, straight to the point and precise. It was Youji who was finding it challenging to absorb everything he was telling him, not when he was way more fascinated by his raucous voice, alongside his strong face structure, glasses bolstered on his nose with a face of solemnity that was making everything else a mere distraction.

“You need to work on this part again.” Tetsuo’s voice had him looking up, meeting right at Tetsuo’s eyes. He looked away almost instantly, staring at where Tetsuo was pointing instead.

“Ah, I see,” he responded, coughing a little before he proceeded to work on the formula. He totally missed what Tetsuo was saying earlier.

Seeing him being stuck, Tetsuo shuffled closer, to where he could write by Youji’s pen.

“Like this,” he said, before he started scribbling on the paper. The distance they were put together was so incredibly close Youji hitched a breath when their hands touched a tad, swallowing down his throat when Tetsuo stopped talking and looked at him instead.

This time, he found himself unable to look away. Tetsuo was clearly scrutinizing him, staring into his eyes, his own mien reflecting in the other’s orbs. He breath trapped in his heart when Tetsuo came closer, then _closer_ , until he felt a soft sensation on his lips that he stopped breathing.

It felt… strangely familiar, as if he’d felt this very touch before. When was it? He couldn’t remember. At all. But he didn’t dislike it, and the whole thought itself agonized him.

The brief kiss went as nippily as it came. Before he knew it, Tetsuo was packing up, droning about dinner before Youji followed him out of the library.

He probably didn’t catch what Tetsuo was saying to him in the library, but when he finally found the courage to ask him when they were nearing the school gate, he wished he could have had that very audacity earlier when it was only the two of them.

“We're done for the day?” he asked, prompting Tetsuo to stop his steps.

“Do you want to drop by?” Tetsuo asked, catching him completely off guard.

“Drop… by?” he repeated.

“My house.”

Oh… Tetsuo’s house.

“What?”

“My mom should be back earlier today, I asked if she could make extra portion of food for dinner.”

Then why is Tetsuo asking him now that he’d decided for him?

Tetsuo seemed like he was waiting for his answer as he glowered, unsure of what to say. Well, he stayed all by himself. If it wasn’t for Tetsuo’s invitation, he would probably grab some food from the convenience store and be done for the night. Besides, this might probably be a chance to allow him talk to Tetsuo better – much better than the meagre stuttering he could give him now.

“Alright,” he answered.

He _swore_ he saw a small smile on Tetsuo’s face before he looked away.

Upon reaching his house – which he then realized that it’s only a station away from his – he immediately regretted his decision. Too occupied with the thought of how to break the ice with Tetsuo, the reality of having to meet Tetsuo’s mom dawned upon him as he felt chills traveling down his spine at the sound of door sliding open, finally recognizing that this might be a reality too early for him to face.

Tetsuo was merely a friend… or was he? They might have gotten closer thanks to the various circumstances they had gone through, but could he call Tetsuo his friend now? Would Tetsuo call him _his_ friend? What made a friend ‘a friend’ anyway? Didn’t Tetsuo dislike him from before?

“Ah, welcome.”

Tetsuo’s mother was nothing like what he expected her to be. She looked like a decent lady in her forties. When she smiled, she had this beautiful curves on the corners of her lips that had Youji bowing too much then he needed to. It was nerve-wracking, but at the very least, she didn’t portray any sort of hostility that would shove Youji away – she was earnest, welcoming, and above all, she seemed like she liked Youji a lot more than Youji would’ve anticipated her to.

“Tetsuo never brings friends home,” she said over dinner, piling Youji’s bowl with food. “This must be the first time I’m seeing one of his friends.”

Or only friend, Youji speculated. Were they really friends now, though? Could he call themselves friends? But Tetsuo didn’t seem like he was repelled by the idea as he ate his dinner noiselessly, allowing his mother to speak to Youji without any intention to interfere.

“Eat more,” the mother insisted, putting a piece of what seemed like cooked salmon into Youji’s bowl. “These are some of Tetsuo’s favourites, I hope you like them too.”

“Ah, o-of course I like them!” Youji responded anxiously. “Thank you very much for the meal!”

“You’re welcome,” his mother smiled. “Please continue to take care of Tetsuo.”

They were probably all courteous talk, but something in the way Tetsuo’s mom had put it sounded like nothing of those and it had Youji wondering if there’s any insinuations behind the words she said. But Tetsuo had placed a piece of cabbage on top of his rice when he started pondering, a distraction way too effective for him to lower his head and finishing up his food in silence.

 

Knowing more about Shironuma Tetsuo was a phenomenon of its own. Tetsuo didn’t seem like a man with bad intentions, he probably was so bad in communicating that he didn't even realize the daunting vibe he unconsciously let out when he’s near anyone. Youji was a victim of this very vibe of his. Tetsuo – a man who stared at him with no words, who approached him like it’s the most natural thing, and who had started opening up himself with the multiple interactions they had. He’d come to realize how Tetsuo was different from what he thought he was, and eventually, the initial intimidation he felt towards Tetsuo was replaced with curiosity, made worse when he soon noticed that everything Tetsuo had done to him, or with him, were simply genuine thoughtful intentions that he had trouble expressing properly.

He was still finding for the best way to communicate with Tetsuo, but he guessed that he probably shouldn’t rush it. Tetsuo seemed to have his own complications as well but he was definitely trying, as much as how Youji was.

He sighed profoundly as he stared out of the window. Rain fell in crazy chaotic drops, roads looked like shallow river. He’d reminded himself to bring along an umbrella in the morning but he’d totally forgotten about it when he was rushing his way out of the house.

He sighed again. Standing up, he slung his bag over his shoulder, moving with hefty footsteps out of the classroom heading towards the lobby. If it was really horrendous, then he might need to wait for the rain to wane before he could walk his way home. How long would that be, though? Should he head to the library instead? There’s no tutoring session with Tetsuo today. Perhaps Tetsuo had gone home. Would it worth the time for him to be studying all by himself when he knew he’d be facing problems with his studies then?

He hauled his feet towards the entrance, just to check on the weather condition, and brightened his eyes when he saw Tetsuo standing by it, looking as if he was waiting for someone.

“Shironuma…” he muttered. He never expected to see him there, it’d been an hour since school ended after all.

Tetsuo walked towards him when he noticed his presence, and it was then that Youji realized that he was holding an umbrella in one hand.

“Going home?” Tetsuo asked. He no longer sounded as menacing as how he did when he spoke to Youji, his voice now encrusted with a thin smear of gentleness.

“Yeah,” Youji replied. “But perhaps I should wait for a bit more. I forgot my umbrella.”

“I’ll send you home,” Tetsuo said simply.

“Huh?”

“I have an umbrella,” Tetsuo said, pulling the umbrella up at the same time.

And all Youji could do was follow him when he stood and waited at the entrance, finding no excuse strong enough to reject this request of his.

Would they ever break this silence between them whenever they were to spend time together? Despite their close proximity, all Tetsuo did was holding onto the umbrella, walking the route they were both familiar with and saying no word to Youji at all. Sometimes Youji wondered if he had something in his mind, or if he simply wasn’t someone who’d speak a lot. The latter seemed more convincing, though. He never could understand what Youji was thinking, but it wasn’t like he himself was an outspoken person anyway. He wondered how Makoto did it? How could he bring himself to blatantly talk to people like it’s the most natural thing?

They walked into the train, all the while without words, and Youji stared as Tetsuo followed him to walk out of it when it reached his station.

“Isn’t yours the next stop?”

“You don’t have an umbrella.”

Tetsuo’s words were scarce, but every word he said throbbed of something that Youji could never define. They walked in silence again, the sound of pitter-patters that were the sound of raindrops on the umbrella the only noise in between them.

“It’s here,” Youji said upon seeing his house building. “Thank you for sending me—ah.”

He’d never turned to look at Tetsuo the entire time but now that he did, he noticed a huge patch of water on the left of his shoulder, clearly from the rain.

Is it because of him? He’s not perfectly dry, but at least he’s drier than Tetsuo, even though Tetsuo was the one holding the umbrella.

He couldn’t understand.

He couldn’t understand what Tetsuo’s motive was – and why was he so concerned towards him?

“I’m sorry, you… shouldn’t have done that,” he apologized, assuming that his assumption was true.

“It’s fine,” Tetsuo responded docilely.

“I can borrow you a towel,” Youji said. “Would you mind coming in?”

Tetsuo said nothing, merely staring, putting Youji in a state of confusion.

“It’s fine,” Tetsuo repeated. But Youji clicked his tongue, seized him on the wrist and towed him towards his house, causing rainwater to fall on both of them when Tetsuo lost grasp of his umbrella out of surprise.

It’s enough. These pent-up frustrations were about to combust him from the inside. Tetsuo was persistent, but he wasn’t at the same time. He did things his own way, and never answered any of Youji’s question. He was full with secrecies, but yet he was easy to understand.

He couldn’t understand Tetsuo _at all_. And he could no longer bring himself to allow this situation to drag further now that they were _finally_ a little bit closer to each other.

He pushed the door open, still gripping onto Tetsuo’s wrist, and only let go when they were in his room.

“Sit.” That’s all he said before he sauntered out of the room, the rampaging of his heartbeats then only telling him how reckless he had been.

He’d just… literally forced Tetsuo into his own house, into his room – both of them wet.

He shook his head. This meant nothing. He was merely taking care of a classmate who was now drenched wet all thanks to him. It’s his responsibility. He grabbed the towel from the bathroom, stopping right before he entered the door and took a deep breath.

He needed to calm down. This wasn’t the time to be freaking out. What happened to his composure? This was only Tetsuo he was dealing with. It’s just Tetsuo.

…just Tetsuo.

He opened the door, finding Tetsuo sitting on his bed as he skimmed around, eyes only falling back on Youji when he heard him closing the door.

“Here,” Youji said, trying to sound calm, yet feeling his heartbeats betraying him all over again.

“Thanks.”

Did he just… thank him?

He waited as Tetsuo wiped his hair dry, then his shirt.

“Isn’t that hard to wipe?” he asked, staring from the corner of his eyes.

“What is?”

“I mean, wouldn’t it be easier if you… take off your shirt?”

_What did he just say?_

Tetsuo was obviously taken aback too as he ogled at Youji, obviously startled before he nodded.

He regretted saying anything at all. He couldn’t bring himself to stare at Tetsuo at all, the mere sound of cloth rustling against skin already had heat rushing to the tips of his ears. It’s not like he hadn’t seen a man’s body before. He’s a man himself. Above all, he’d seen Tetsuo’s almost naked body before, what’s more his naked torso.

But the way he was reacting now totally suggesting of something that wasn’t up to his own mind’s comprehension. He was dying to know what it was. Yet, he wasn’t sure if he was ready for it.

Because all his hunch had been telling him was that _something_ would change between them if he ever dared to question it, or if he ever dared to search for the answer.

He gasped when he found something pressed against his face, turning around sharply to find Tetsuo just inches away from him, the dismissiveness in his eyes boring pungently into his own, as if searching for an answer to the same question he had.

“You’re wet too,” he mumbled, hot breath hitting his cold skin, warmth spread from his face all over his body. The coarse material of his towel brushed gently against his face, yet Tetsuo’s gaze was unwavering, never once had he looked away from Youji’s from the moment they met eyes as Youji found himself awestruck by the splendour of the veiled spark, a trait he’d never noticed before.

“I’m fine, you are worse.”

Tetsuo _chuckled_ , an unexpected reaction that had Youji’s heart skipping a beat. Soon, he found the towel on his face replaced by Tetsuo’s hand as Tetsuo drew himself closer to him, lips brushing frivolously against Youji’s and swallowed a gasp the moment their lips pressed against each other – harder.

He knew this kiss. He never knew what it was when he first experienced it, being half-conscious. But now, as he’s perfectly mindful of the situation he was in, he started to notice what had been happening to him, between him and Tetsuo. Tetsuo never told him what’s happening in his mind, nor did he ever explain his actions. He merely did things the way he thought was the best, looking at Youji from afar with no intention whatsoever to harm him. Tetsuo touched him in the gentlest way ever, as if he was trying to memorize his skin texture, trying hard not to hurt him at the same time.

When they separated the kiss, they stared into each other’s eyes, seeing their own reflections in them, and before Youji could say anything, Tetsuo pulled him over, hugging him steadfastly in his embrace without saying a word.

“Shironuma…” he started. “What…”

He didn’t know what to ask, or what to say. He’s bursting with millions of questions he intended to ask, but he had absolutely no idea of how he’s going to start it.

“I’ve always been looking for you,” Tetsuo whispered, his warm breath hitting his ear shell, sending trembles down his spine.

“What do you mean…?” Youji dawdled, their distance so close it’s becoming way too hard to breathe. “What… am I to you?”

His answer came in the form of another heated kiss. Tetsuo considered of nothing before he thrust his tongue into Youji’s slight agape mouth, entangling with his tongue as he encircled his arms around Tetsuo’s neck, clinging onto him for support. He never knew this side of Tetsuo, not so blunt, not so fervent like this. He was acting in a way completely opposite of how Youji had known him to be and it was petrifying – it’s a loud enunciation of the many parts of Tetsuo he never came to know. He was alarmed, sure. But he couldn’t deny how intrigued he was to discover more of Tetsuo now that he could feel him closer than he ever had.

He returned the kiss with a low-slung hum, a sign of acceptance. He’d never kissed a man before, never expected himself to. But kissing Tetsuo now sent sparks all over his veins, giving him a sensation he never knew was possible. He tried biting on his lower lip, drawing a truncated grunt out of him before he took the chance, lurched forward and kissed him deeper, yearning to draw more reactions out of him. Tetsuo’s embrace was so tight it knocked the air out of him, but he continued clinging onto him, both lips and bodies pressed against each other as he tried his very hard to remain conscious from the crushing pleasure attacking him from all sides.

He didn’t need an answer after all. Tetsuo wasn’t going to tell him, at least not in words. He’d _shown_ him his answer, in a way so fervid and so _obvious_ that Youji was almost feeling bad for suspecting him in the first place.

But, as he cupped Tetsuo’s face, nuzzling their noses together, he thought that perhaps it’s fine like this too. He’d come to understand him in the end, that’s all it matters, isn’t it?

Tetsuo had proceeded to kiss him on the neck as he played with the short strands of his hair, pulling a choked moan out of him. His tongue lapped against the outline of it, leaving wet trails along it until he reached his collarbone, where Youji pushed on him slightly.

“W-wait,” he said. “Are we…”

Tetsuo lifted his gaze, and Youji immediately found his heart skipping a beat upon seeing the animalistic shadow beneath his eyes.

“You don’t like it?”

It’s really not a matter if he liked it or not at this point in time. He didn’t mind Tetsuo at all, but he had absolutely zero experience with men and he had no idea at all of how to go about this. Besides, isn’t this moving a bit too fast now? They just made their feelings clear to each other, and the fact that they’re already in bed, making out, and was about to move to the next step gave Youji a sort of feeling as if he was horseracing on a fast-track.

“It’s… not that,” he said bit by bit. Caressing the softness of Tetsuo’s hair, he smiled. “Are _you_ fine with it?”

“Fine with?”

“Well, me.”

Tetsuo perked a curious eyebrow, a small curve elevated on the corner of his lips.

“I’m more than fine with you,” he said, kissing Youji on the collarbone, one hand along his chest and fondling with his buttons.

Tetsuo was in love with him for the longest time after all. Of course he would be fine with him. Everything was merely Youji’s insecurities doing the talking and he should know better that Tetsuo wasn’t going to judge him for anything.

Sighing contentedly, he lifted Tetsuo’s face by the jaws, leaning down so that he could pressed a soft kiss against his lips.

“I’m fine then,” he said. They still had a lot to catch up with each other but at this precise moment, their bodies told no lies – they were obviously yearning for each other. A closer look at Tetsuo’s body had his own sweltering in a sort of desperate need he never knew existed. One touch on Tetsuo’s skin had his own smeared with a layer of giddy need. It’s as if they were meant for each other, both physically and emotionally, both drawn to each other like the opposite sides of a magnet. His body felt familiar to him, even though it’s only the second time he’s touching it, yet every touch Tetsuo gave him made him feel as if his very body was made for him, as if Tetsuo already knew the exact spot to touch, to trigger, to send spurs so strong into his head it pulled him into a surreal space that only belonged to the both of them.

He let out a small huff when Tetsuo started taking his buttons off, the trivial sound of it spreading goose bumps all over his body. He released a louder hitch of breath when he felt Tetsuo’s coarse fingers on his nipples, twirling the sensitive bud sensibly, tenderly, pinching every so often that he couldn’t help but arch his back. He felt weak under Tetsuo’s touch. He never had anyone touched his body before and the mere thought of him openly allowing – _inviting_ – Tetsuo to touch him made him feel so painstakingly naked it’s embarrassing. He bit on his lower lip when Tetsuo grazed his nipple in between his teeth, choked moans slopped from his lips the moment Tetsuo started sucking the whole of it. He felt lightheaded, heat raised to his head, almost giving him a migraine.

“Okay?” Tetsuo’s truncated voice, alongside his warm breath against his chest pounced on him like heatwave. He couldn’t even make up his mind, but the instinct in him had him nodding out of his own conscious, answering multiple questions of Tetsuo’s all at once.

Slicked with sweat, his clothes and his back stuck against Youji's mattress, his self-conscious loitered just ever so slightly before it was snatched away by another one of Tetsuo’s fervid kiss. All he could do was gasp into Tetsuo’s mouth when his hand slithered underneath his belt and found his completely hardened dick. Tetsuo’s weight was overwhelming, his entire aura of dominance overpowering him in ways he could never imagine. He gasped for air and allowed Tetsuo to do whatever he wanted to him, _anticipating_ every bit of his fervour.

When Tetsuo started pumping on his dick, he sank his nails into Tetsuo’s shoulders, the final strength he could conjure to support his own sanity. He was very close to the edge, he could literally feel his orgasm on the tip of his head, and he only needed _one_ trigger from Tetsuo to bring him to his climax.

But Tetsuo didn’t.

He stopped at the perfect moment, lifting himself up just so he could take his own shirt, then his pants off, and Youji finding himself gawking at Tetsuo’s solid hard dick. _This_ was something he saw for the first time. It was surprisingly… _big_.

Could he really take in something as huge as that, though?

As if reading the question on Youji’s face, Tetsuo raised a small smirk, then reaching out to his bag where he left if by the bed to retrieve a bottle of lube.

“Why do you even have that…?” Youji asked. Questions started flashing through his mind – was the rumour about Tetsuo hooking up with girls all the time true then?

“Just in case,” was all Tetsuo said. He had more questions, but the moment Tetsuo spun the cover open, he got side-tracked. This wasn’t the time to be worrying about that yet – he had more pressing matter to be concerned of.

His thighs stretched, he covered his face with his hands, unwilling to bring himself to anticipate what was going to happen next. He heard echoes of water, then, felt wet, slimy sensation of liquid against his hole. With an inhale of deep breath, he panted out loud when he felt a foreign material edging into him, causing him to clench his insides by reflex.

“Relax,” Tetsuo muttered. He didn’t seem like he’s in the best state to be comforting Youji either. Youji could hear it in his voice – the extent of impatience, of _need_. He tried to relax, he really did. But no matter how hard he did, his body was no longer in his control and all that he could do was taking open-mouthed breathing as he clasped onto Tetsuo’s sheets.

“Sakiyama.” He opened his eyes upon hearing his name, just to see that Tetsuo had propped towards him, kissing him flippantly on the forehead, his cheek, the tip of his nose, then his lips.

Tetsuo was trying his best too – that mere contact of concern comforted him momentously as his muscles relaxed, no longer as rigid as before. He breathed in again, clearing his thoughts, and allowed Tetsuo to kiss him deeply before he felt his finger sinking deeper into him.

The feeling was still foreign, even uncomfortable but he was slowly but surely getting used to it. It hurt just a tad when Tetsuo scratched his insides, when he poked too-deep into him and immediately drawing himself out when Youji did as much as a squeal. Soon, he was able to thrust in and out of him smoothly with a finger, the friction less, and Youji shuddered when he felt a second finger, about to join the first.

“We can stop if it’s too much,” Tetsuo said. There’s no way he would stop. They’d come so far, there’s no way he’d allow himself to pull out now.

“It’s… fine,” he breathed. “Keep going.”

He still couldn’t quite believe that he was doing this with Tetsuo now. Tetsuo was once so far, so unreachable – but now, he’s so near, so close to him, and despite their first time, he felt as if he’d known Tetsuo for the longest time ever.

The pain was worse this time with a second finger in but Tetsuo was quick to seek for a solution. His hand meandered towards Youji’s dick, now softened thanks to the pain, and started stroking it, in a hasty and almost aggressive motion.

“E-enough,” Youji said through pants. At this rate, he’d really come then and there and he wouldn’t want it to end now that he was all prepared to take Tetsuo in. He closed his eyes in mild embarrassment when Tetsuo pulled his fingers out of him, his heart beat loudly in his ears when he heard the frictional rubbing of Tetsuo on his own dick.

They were really doing it – he’s _really_ doing it with Shironuma Tetsuo.

His thighs pushed a tad higher, he stopped breathing when he felt the head of Tetsuo’s dick pressed against his hole, rubbing cautiously on it before he started pushing in, little by little.

“Ngh…” Youji groaned softly. His lip was starting to bleed from him biting too hard on it, something he hadn’t realized himself thanks to the complete distraction by what was happening below him. Tetsuo’s hands were on his thighs, grasping hard on them enough to bruise and his motion was _so slow_ one minute felt like ten. Taking Tetsuo in was very different from having his fingers in him just minutes before. Tetsuo’s dick was a lot larger, thicker, and definitely _hotter_. It felt like something was trying to split him open from the inside, the pain so excruciating that he felt tears accumulating on the corners of his eyes out of physiological reaction. He took cavernous breaths, tasting rust on his tongue that was his own blood and finally opened his eyes when Tetsuo stopped moving.

“Okay?” Tetsuo said, voice coming out like a stumpy growl. Youji nodded. Evening rays pouring in to the room underlined Tetsuo’s body in a blanket of beautiful orange gradient. Yet, Youji was completely entranced by his eyes – one that was staring at him with fervour so intense he thought he was about to be sucked into it. He moaned softly when Tetsuo pushed deeper again, still so _extremely slow_ , so _careful_ that was way too agonizing for Youji to withstand.

“S-Shironuma…” he called out, voice hoarse and small.

Tetsuo stopped immediately, concern vivid in his eyes.

“You can… move faster,” he said in a small stutter. He couldn’t quite believe what he’d just said, but it’s too late to take it back now. He meant it, so it should be fine.

“Are you sure?” Tetsuo asked. The worry Tetsuo was portraying itself was more than enough for him to nod again, his intention certain.

Then, Tetsuo shifted his hands from his thighs to his waist, holding firmly onto it and pushed in with one hard thrust.

“Ahhh!” Youji screeched. The pain was so devastating he thought he passed out for two seconds. His shattered gasps were immediately snatched by Tetsuo’s deep kiss, their tongues entwined as if they’re making out in their mouths, the hotness from below spreading warmth all over his body, burning him.

He couldn’t make out what was happening anymore. As soon as Tetsuo started moving, all he could do was clinging onto Tetsuo’s broad back, feeling frictions so _intense_ within him that his mind was wiped blank. His veins were on fire, his mind was a piece of wildfire. He was trying so hard to stay conscious in the midst of this mix of pleasure and pain, but as soon as his body got used to the pain, eventually turning it into pleasure, he found himself feeling sensations so powerful they trounced every other consciousness he possessed. He started yearning for _more_ , he wanted Tetsuo to move _faster_ , _harder_ , anything more than whatever he was already doing now. They shared kisses, then broke them, then Tetsuo’s lips were all over his face, his neck, his body, his gestures down south never rested despite all the activities that were happening all over his body.

He moaned out loud when Tetsuo drove himself deeper, hitting one point of his insides that had him arching his back, electric shocks coursing all over his body and numbing his nerves. He thought he’d come but he was still hard and wet and very much aroused. But Tetsuo was quick to notice. Lifting himself enough to have a good whole view of Youji’s body, he gripped onto Youji’s waist again, thrusting on the same spot over and over again, completely merciless.

“Ah! No, no! Sto— I cannot—just… ah!”

He couldn’t even tell Tetsuo that it’s too much for him, that he’s breaking, that he’s going insane – that he’s _losing himself_. He heard a low groan and then, Tetsuo’s lips were on his neck again, biting and sucking and leaving marks and just one superbly harder thrust later, he came, thighs quivering, muscles spasms at the sensation. Tetsuo rubbed against his raw insides, having him to break into choked, fragmented moans as his sensitive passage was ravaged over and over again.

He hugged Tetsuo on the head when he felt a surge of hot liquid coating his inside, filling him up, his fingers stroking insentiently on his short strands, his thoughts filled with nothing but gratification, alongside a sort of relief he’d been looking for the entire time ever since he’d come to know Shironuma Tetsuo.

 

He never knew a lot about Shironuma Tetsuo – all that he knew was that he was this intimidating classmate of his whom he found hard to approach. Shironuma Tetsuo didn’t have a lot of words; he was always quiet, yet he was always staring. He never knew what’s the matter with him, but he posed no signa of threat, and that’s perhaps why Youji had allowed him to stare at him even though he had many questions he wanted the answers for.

The fact that he was laying in Tetsuo’s embrace - both their bodies and emotions exposed in such a fervid way – was still a reality he couldn’t bring himself to believe in. It’s remarkable how sparks happened between them the moment they let themselves loose, when they acted upon instincts and quiet that garish distraction in their minds. It was then that he realized that sometimes, when a person wasn’t able to find the answers to their loud questionings, it’s a good indication of how one should let go and allow their instincts to take over – to find the answers for them.

And that’s how he’d come close with Shironuma Tetsuo. He still had a lot of things that he never knew about Tetsuo but one thing he was perfectly certain was how genuine Tetsuo’s feelings were. It’s as if they streamed into him like they belonged in him from the beginning and finding his own feelings exploding within him as if they were like a sleeping volcano all along. He felt as if he’d found a home, as if Tetsuo had been calling out to him, and that he’d been calling out to Tetsuo all this while – even when he’d never noticed it.

He closed his eyes, pressing his ear against Tetsuo’s chest, listening to the quiet rhythm of Tetsuo’s heartbeats.

_Thump, thump._

They sounded familiar, even nostalgic. It felt dreamlike but there’s this hunch within him that told him that they’d known each other since a very long time ago, that they were simply waiting for each other to meet and express their feelings to each other all over again like how they did once.

He felt a hand on his back, tracing his collarbone, then another hand against his chest, where his scar laid.

“This,” Tetsuo started, catching him off guard. “How did you get this?”

He must be talking about the scar on his chest.

“An accident,” he replied briefly. “I got into an accident when I was a kid. It killed my parents.”

Tetsuo remained silent.

“Don’t worry. It’s been a long time,” he hurriedly continued, assuming that Tetsuo was feeling bad for bringing it up.

Tetsuo did a small hum, which was soon replaced by a tiny hitch of breath when Youji kissed him on the chest.

“It’s beautiful,” Tetsuo said after a pause.

“You think so?” That’s the first time someone had ever said this to him. Well, it’s not like he’d ever exposed his torso like this to anyone before anyway – Tetsuo was the first, and probably the only.

“Yeah,” Tetsuo responded.

He said nothing more. With a contented smile, Youji pressed his face against Tetsuo’s chest again, listening to his steady heartbeats, a lovely sound of hope.

They didn’t need more words – there were simply this peaceful mutual understanding between them that was acting as a powerful bond that needed no explanation nor justification.

They needed no labels – they simply were. They needed no word-by-word confession – they simply understood.

 

It’s incredible how things could change so drastically between them in such a short frame of time. It’s amazing how things could fall into the right place once they came out completely clean to each other. There’s always something more than impressions that would drive two persons together, and for Youji and Tetsuo, it was definitely something else that’d outshined that initial layer of impression – something _stronger_ – that had acted as a prevailing trigger pulling them together like it was the most natural thing for them.

Tetsuo hadn’t changed much after that day, except perhaps when he’d come to speak more when he was with Youji, that he’d smile more, and definitely _more_ upfront than Youji remembered him to be. He wasn’t all for public display of affection but Tetsuo’s intention was often so obvious that Youji couldn’t help but chuckle at the thought of his struggling state whenever he was about to say or do something.

Tetsuo was purely… a child. A young man who was one year younger than him, who was having a great deal of hitches trying to relate to human interaction. He was unpretentious, he was nothing complicated, and for the longest time ever, all he wanted was to become a friends to Youji, the sheer fact of them being _more_ than that now probably a reality more surreal to him than it was for Youji. It’s when he came to know him that he noticed how easily misunderstood he could be, and that’s also how he came to notice how ridiculously attracted he was to him –

\-- for beneath that shell of dismissiveness and enormity lied a tender soul that was a man with profound affection towards him. That was all – that was what Shironuma Tetsuo really was.

“Youji—“

He almost fell when Makoto tumbled on him, clinging him so hard on the neck he almost snapped it.

“Oh, it’s you, Makoto.”

“Yes, it’s me, have you forgotten about me?” Makoto moped.

“No way,” Youji chuckled.

“Want to have lunch together?” Makoto immediately probed.

“Ah, well…”

“ _Again_?” Makoto released a loud sigh. “You’ve been _really_ close with Shironuma lately, don’t you think?”

“Really?” Youji responded deliberately.

“Yes, you are,” Makoto sulked. “Don’t tell me… something happened between the both of you?”

“Aha…”

“Youji…” Makoto stared, utterly in shock. “Seriously? Shironuma? _That_ Shironuma? Do you know he’s—ah.”

Makoto’s words stopped in the middle of it, his eyes wandered to look behind Youji.

“I’m?”

Youji chuckled again. He didn’t need to look back to tell what’s the cause for Makoto being so taken aback. His hand brushed against the coarseness of skin he was now very familiar with before he turned, just enough to catch Tetsuo’s annoyed expression.

“Let’s have lunch,” he nudged on him.

They’d need to find a time to tell Makoto about what had happened between them. But the time was not now – because this time now belonged to them alone -- everything else could wait.

 


End file.
